1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
