SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
