Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
