ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize