I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
