...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
