Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
