i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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