i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I haven't been this sober since birth.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
