Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize