I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
