Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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