Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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