One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just high enough for therapy.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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