I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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