I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
