Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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