Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
