just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You ruined the universe
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
