We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
