My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
