She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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