she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
