you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
