apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
