Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
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