He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
