You surviving the open bar?
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You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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