Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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