That's intense
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
