Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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