So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
