People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
