I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
