It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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