There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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