I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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