Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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