alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
