btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
