4 words: hood of his car
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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