apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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