I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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