I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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