I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
