well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
