Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
