Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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