I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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