Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Success! We fucked roommates!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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