Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
