i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
