So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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