I can tuck mytits in my pants
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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