I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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