I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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