Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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