Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
