I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
