I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
