I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
