therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
