So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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