Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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