marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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