Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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