Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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