$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
