before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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