Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
