Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
