Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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