I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
