Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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