just come out here and I will go home with you...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
