You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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