It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
